Ouachita Stories

By Ben R. Sells, PhD

Class of 2018 – congratulations! We are proud of you! I am proud of you!

A Ouachita tradition is that the president, rather than a guest, often gives the commencement address. I like this tradition. It keeps the primary focus on graduates, ensures a short speech – and it saves money.

This spring I was talking with my wife, Lisa, about my “regrets” – regrets about things I did or didn’t do over the first 50-plus years of life. For example: We lived in Pasadena, Calif., for three years. Every Christmas and summer we drove home to Oklahoma and Missouri. It was a long drive with three small children. We drove by the Grand Canyon exit every trip, but I’m embarrassed to share – and I regret – that we never stopped. It was the driver’s fault – mine!

Lisa and I have been married for 34 years. She can be quite direct. It’s one of the qualities that attracted me to her – and still attracts me to her! One day she asked me pointedly, “How could you live the next five years so you might have fewer regrets?” Her question got my attention.

So, I want to share a short story of what I’m learning to help me live with fewer regrets. Because I was having my daily devotions from the Book of Proverbs, I decided to use Proverbs to help me. While I had read Proverbs frequently during my life, this spring it seemed so fresh, especially as it was read over and over again in different versions.

Proverbs portrays God’s perspective on how different aspects of life normally work.

Now it’s important to note that the Proverbs aren’t promises, because we live in an abnormal world – a broken world. Essentially, they describe how wise choices normally lead to wise living.

Benefits of Wisdom

I clearly recall the day I read this Proverb: “If you become wise, you will be the one to benefit.” Throughout Proverbs, many benefits of pursuing wisdom and living wisely are listed, from the profound to the practical. For example, Proverbs tells us that wisdom will make your life “blessed” and “joyful”, will help “protect and guard you”, and will help you “find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.”

Degrees earned, years lived, and jobs completed, while helpful, don’t guarantee wisdom or a life of fewer regrets. This Proverb will help me: “Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do.”

Definition of Wisdom

The word “wisdom” is easy to use, but can be elusive to define. In my study, I circled every word that was a synonym or descriptor, to help me better grasp the meaning of wisdom. Some examples are:

• “knowledge”

• “understanding”

• “common sense”

• “clear thinking”

• “insight for living”

• “good judgment”

• “discernment”

• “discretion”

I spent the most time reflecting on “discernment” and “discretion,” especially how they are different. Discernment is more about having insight – understanding a situation – while discretion is knowing how to respond to the situation.

Regrets in life often come from misunderstanding – lacking discernment – and then mis-responding to a situation – lacking discretion. For example: I recall the Saturday – much like this one, that with three young children, we went to a pet store and bought a puppy. We returned home and the children named the puppy. It was a happy moment. Then we thought something was wrong with the puppy. So, I said, in front of three young children, “Well, we can return the puppy and get a new one.” They started to cry and fall apart. Nothing was wrong with the puppy and it was a poor choice and timing of words. I lacked discernment and discretion.

So, how can I live with fewer regrets? Grow in discernment and discretion by heeding this Proverb: “Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights.”

All of this led me to the next question: What are the sources of wisdom?

Sources of Wisdom: God

Proverbs is clear that wisdom comes first and foremost from “knowing a holy God.” I read the 8^th chapter of Proverbs in a brand new way. I didn’t realize before how it focuses so much on Jesus Christ as the personification of wisdom. Wisdom grows out of an ever-deepening personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

And one way that happens is by spending time in the Bible. There are so many proverbs that echo this such as: “Let your heart hold fast to my words; keep my commandments.”

Sources of Wisdom: Parents

Immersing myself in Proverbs reminded me that wisdom also comes from our parents. One verse says: “Follow your father’s advice; don’t wander off from your mother’s teachings.”

Since our oldest three children graduated from college, they act as if I’ve become wiser because they call me more often to ask for advice. Deep inside all of us is a desire to please our parents and there’s a proverb that reminds us of that reality. It says, “If you love wisdom, you’ll delight your parents.” Both my parents passed away 11 years ago, but I have a fresh motivation to honor them by becoming wiser.

Sources of Wisdom: Others

Wisdom comes from the Lord and parents, but I’m struck by how many Proverbs focus on seeking counsel from others. One says, “The more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” Another says, “Listen to good advice – including constructive criticism – if you want to live well.” I really like this one: “Become wise by walking with the wise.” I’ve been reminded that we never graduate from getting counsel from others, whether that’s through the people we know or the books we read.

In the Cone-Bottoms Lobby – right behind me, there’s a wall with portraits of all the University’s presidents, including me. I find it a bit unnerving, and try not to look at it. I ask myself, “Am I wise enough to merit being one of 16 people on that wall?” Probably not. However, I benefit immensely from the wisdom of the Lord and the counsel and good advice of colleagues. If I want to grow in wisdom and have fewer regrets, I need more counsel, not less. And you will too.

Applications of Wisdom

Following are two examples of how I’m trying to apply wisdom.

Because we speak and write hundreds of millions of words in our lifetimes, so many of our regrets come from what we say, how we said it, or what we didn’t say. No wonder there are so many Proverbs about words.

Following are some of the proverbs I underlined:

• “Good leaders cultivate honest speech.”

• “Pleasant words are persuasive.”

• “The words of the wise bring healing.”

• “A gentle answer deflects anger.”

Words can also do great harm as these Proverbs reveal:

• “Harsh words make tempers flare.”

• “Cutting words wound and maim.”

This proverb is especially sobering and instructive: “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose.”

Through my words, I aim to embody Gospel love and truth, to have fewer personal regrets, and to point more people to the Lord. I fall short of this goal every day. However, I deeply aspire to exemplify this proverb: “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.”

This second area is a work-in-progress, but I was particularly moved by these three proverbs:

• “Clean living before God and justice with our neighbors means far more to God than religious performance.”

• “Speak up for the people who have no voice.”

• “Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them.”

I’m still sorting out all that these verses mean for me at this stage in life.

One of the wisest Christian mentors in my life told me this: “When you can’t see very far ahead, go as far ahead as you can see.” With God’s help and the help of others, I’m going to move forward so I won’t regret standing still. This proverb will help me: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

Conclusion

Thank you for your patience as I reflected on Lisa’s insightful question to me: “How could you live the next five years so you won’t have as many regrets?”

My working title for these remarks is, “Wisdom for Ouachitonians.” I hope they may help as you continue your journey.

Your Ouachita education and experience provide you a wonderful foundation – from working and studying with faculty and staff to living, learning, and worshipping together. Our University theme this year is: “Love God and learning.” It comes from our vision statement, and the integration of the two cultivates wisdom.

Let me leave you with these last two Proverbs on this special day. If you follow them, they will make you wiser and give you a life with fewer regrets:

• “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” and

• “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Class of 2018, thank you for how you’ve welcomed me to Ouachita my first two years. I’m excited about all that God will do in and through you. Thank you.

Proverbs 9:12 NLT

Proverbs 8:34 ESV

Proverbs 8:34 NLT

Proverbs 4:6 NLT

Proverbs 3:4 ESV

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Proverbs 10:14 MSG

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Proverbs 3:21 NLT

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 Proverbs 3:21 ESV

 Proverbs 18:15 MSG

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Proverbs 4:4 ESV

Proverbs 6:20 MSG

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Proverbs 16:21 NLT

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Proverbs 3:27 NLT

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Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV